If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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