Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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