tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
