I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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