Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
