erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
