Your tits are I can't wait for
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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