i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
