i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
