Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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