Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
