I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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