Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
