I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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