So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
