he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize