At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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