I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
