I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
