found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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