Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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