I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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