i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
