I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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