I heard we made out
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
