drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
