I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize