Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
