Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
