woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
