I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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