Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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