I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
