He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
