i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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