Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
