I skipped work to stalk him.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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