i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
