She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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