i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
