I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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