You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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