I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
