you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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