I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
