before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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