I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
