I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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