Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
