there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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