her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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