I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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