umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
