before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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