Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
dude. I can hear the air.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
