twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize