if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
