I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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