I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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