I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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