ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize