The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
