are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
