yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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