In the future we'll all be gay
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
