she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
