I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
