I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please, let me fuck your mom
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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