Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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