i wish my penis had a tongue
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
