sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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