Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
