Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
