Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think your dad took our porno
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
