don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
