3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
