do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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