the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
