I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize