i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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