im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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