My liver just broke up with me...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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