I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize