yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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