Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just google imaged poop.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize