Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
