i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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