Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize