her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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