Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
