all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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