Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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