You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
