Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
