guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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