So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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