where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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