Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
