I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
