your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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