apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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