Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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